It's Not About the Batteries
AKA Scandoval Meets Division of Household Labor
As I mentioned, I believe there’s an entry point into the conversation about the division of household labor for everyone.
Today’s entry point is Scandoval.
Not sure what I’m talking about? Well, you might have seen passing references to Scandoval in the NY Times, on CNN, or from the White House Correspondents Dinner. Scandoval is the name Bravo TV fanatics gave to the seismic break-up between Tom Sandoval and his partner of nine years, Ariana Madix after it was revealed Tom had been cheating on Ariana with one of their closest friends.
Without getting us too in the weeds about the devastating details of this break-up captured by Bravo TV, it’s important to know a few things about this couple.
They were filmed on the TV reality show Vanderpump Rules for nine years.
They dated and lived together for nearly as many years.
They owned a home together and planned on continuing a long-term relationship, whether or not it was defined by marriage.
Can you see where I might be going with this? Sure enough, even celebrities cannot avoid the division of household labor.
In one of the post-break-up scenes, Tom is trying to defend his actions to his best friend.
Tom Sandoval is quoted saying, “It’s like, Ariana, when’s the last time you’ve gone to the store and bought paper towels and toilet paper?’
He goes on to point out, “There’s batteries in the drawer because I do that.”
Okay. So. Remember the types of tasks we talked about in my previous post? Nondiscretionary tasks are the mundane daily tasks typically performed by women, and discretionary tasks have more flexibility for when they can be completed and are typically performed by men.
Sandoval is basically saying:
I do these nondiscretionary tasks like purchasing groceries and keeping essentials stocked (that most men typically do not do - isn’t she lucky).
But Ariana doesn’t (and she should - because - gender norms).
But wait, don’t we WANT men to take on more nondiscretionary tasks?
Yes. In fact, even in 2022, the US Bureau of Labor Statistics is still reporting differences in the time women and men spend on these tasks, as seen below:
However, the fact that Sandoval is looking for credit for doing something mundane and necessary to the functioning of their shared home implies that he believes doing this task is exceptional.
Not to mention, earlier in the season, Ariana asked Tom to pick up their dog’s seizure medications for her while she was out of town. Tom balked at this and suggested instead that they just go pick it up together while he was on the way to dropping Ariana off at the airport.
The goal of gender equity is not to reverse roles and watch the other side suffer.
The goal of dividing household labor is not, “I did this, so give me a reward.”
Rather, it is about contributing to the successful functioning of a shared living space.
It’s not about who put the batteries in the drawer- it’s about why they did it.
Did you do it because it was assumed you would, or did you do it because you and your partner agreed this works best?
As Ariana continues to live her best life without Sandoval, hopefully, the next person she cohabitates with realizes what a privilege it is to share a space with her.
In the meantime, I hope you remember that sharing a home with someone means sharing the division of household labor.
Further Reading:
FairShare Home: split chores, don’t split up: The founder of this start-up, Rachel Drapper, is an innovative scholar and advocate for gender equity. Check out her work!
And a Shout-Out!
Did you notice Only Time Will Tell’s new publication logo? Many thanks to my creative and multitalented friend, Rachel Webb.
